Tested

I’ve felt down since yesterday and I’m not sure what’s going on. It’s an old familiar feeling that doesn’t belong in the new me. The only thing I can think of is that I’m being tested. I’ve been doing so well in my walk with Christ that it is about time for me to be tested, I suppose. Since my wreck, I’ve been awakened. I have realized just how blind I’ve been. I’ve seen God everywhere and felt his amazing works in me and my life (and the lives of those around me). Since yesterday, I’ve felt alone and angry. I feel like things are all going wrong. I turned in my car, I was denied by my bank for a loan for another one, I’ve gained back some of the weight I lost… I feel overwhelmed by life right now. I can’t focus. I’m disinterested in everything. I’m so busy all the time but feel like I don’t accomplish anything. I know this feeling. I feel depressed. I don’t want to take my medication again and poison my body. I guess the low-carb way I’m eating could have something to do with my feelings, but why after 3 weeks? I’m concerned that thoughts of “feeling better” will start to take over. I don’t want to be who I used to be… I’m a new creation in God and I can’t forget that.

I need to make more time for God. I need to read my Bible more. I have GOT to be sure that seeking God is the number one thing in my life so that all other things will work together.